Okay, not that ^ kind of “bum”, although this story does involve those two men. That photo is a story for a different day. Proceed.
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It’s my first church dance. The theme is “Hunting season”. An odd, yet fitting theme for a young singles church dance. We were told, if we wish, we can dress accordingly.
I arrive appropriately late. As I pick my way through the church cultural hall, I spot many people wearing camouflage of some sort. A group of daring young men are sporting their hunter’s orange, likely hoping the girls won’t shoot them down. Smooth.
The music is playing at an appropriate decibel level and everyone is having a fun time. Just as I feel comfortable enough to bob to the beat, the crowd shifts their gaze toward the doors. What could possibly be drawing more attention than those blinding orange coats?
Then I see them. Silhouetted against the glow of the artificial light of the foyer beyond them are two young men, as dashing as … as dashing as …well, whoever you’re thinking of right now that is very dashing (then times that by two), approach the double doorway. They pause long enough for everyone to take in their majestic majesticness before they confidently strut onto the dance floor, all sights set on them, dressed as…(I hope you’re ready for this.)
…a deer. Not some deer, mind you. A deer. Two men, one single deer. Justin, the head of the deer, and Dillon hunched behind as the butt.
Now the joke could have ended there, everyone laughing, asking “Did you flippin’ make that?” “By golly!” (It’s a church dance, remember.) But no, this mighty deer is on a mission. When an appropriately slow song floods the dance hall, the brave buck, not so easily fooled by the camo facade, approaches a young lady to ask if she’d like to dance with…uh.. them.
And they do. All three. The girl holds the front of the deer, dancing in the traditional waltz fashion and The Butt dances behind at butt-level in traditional butt fashion.
Needless to say, I married The Head 3 years later and The Butt is naturally our closest friend. True Story.
*Featured “bum” photo by Tyler Graf. That sentence sounds funnier than it should.